thanks, RU Hacks
a Retrospective.
This is going to be a very long post. You’ve been warned.
It is split across multiple layers, and almost entirely unedited. I felt it would be more true to my feelings if I were to simply write this as a stream of consciousness. So I’ll split it up into three major components - what I perceive to be the past, the present, and the future, and my honest thoughts on it all. Well, as much honestly as I am able to allow.
I won’t mention my thoughts on all the members that have ever been in RU Hacks. For many, I don’t have enough to say without sounding disingenuous, so I’d rather say nothing at all. If your name is not here, and you happen to read this… sorry. I tried to encompass as much as I could, but even that is not enough.
Anyway, let’s get on with it.
Past
I’ve been with RU Hacks for what feels like my entire undergrad - in truth, that’s not entirely inaccurate. My first experience with the event was volunteering in my first year, in March, and today - May 2021, when I am writing this long personal essay, or whatever this will be when I finish it - is the end of my degree.
When I first began, I didn’t even know what the hell a hackathon even was. I honestly volunteered because the concept was fascinating. I mean, who wants to sit at the Eng building for 36 hours in a row and code? Still, I couldn’t help but be enamored with the concept, and I didn’t go alone; Warda (then friend, now girlfriend) volunteered with me at the event, which in itself was something that caused us to grow closer as a result. Another thing I’m grateful for.
Years. Years. And I don’t regret a single moment of it. Anyway, 2018 ended and I was left all but alone. Started looking for people to join and, above all else, someone to Co-Chair with, after a fashion. Took a while, but I’m so, so incredibly glad that it ended up being with...
Annie
Being sincere - truly sincere, in the way that words can cut through glass and get to the heart of a matter without sounding glossy - is hard. I write in flowery prose whenever I try to understand how I actually feel about something, anything, and this is no different. There’s no actual word in English or perhaps any other language that describes just how grateful I am that you… are here. RU Hacks is obviously something very close to my heart, and having someone I know shared that passion for the organization and the community we built was almost liberating.
But I want to talk to you, not at you - Annie, you’re an incredible human being. We all have our flaws, and I think those flaws became clearer and clearer to one another over the years we spent working together. But for every little scar, I see ten positive qualities eclipse them. You are clever, considerate, thoughtful, intelligent, perceptive, decisive, calm, and so many other terms that don’t come to my mind at the moment because as I said, we’re not allowed to edit these thoughts. Thank you so much for just being there, and for putting me in my place when I needed it. Honestly, very few people did, and I appreciate every time you did it (primarily in hindsight, of course.) But nevertheless, thanks. You helped my anime character development.
You’re going to do incredibly well over the years, I’m sure of it. And I am terrified that I’ll never work with someone of your quality again. Thanks for being there. Thanks for making my life more interesting. Thanks for helping keep something I loved keep living, and beyond that, making it thrive.
Three years ago, I said that for you, “Nothing I say would be enough.” Three years later and I still believe that to be true. But I hope it comes close.
Thank you. For everything.
And then there’s those that stayed on the team after all of it briefly fell apart, and I took on the role out of a mixed sense of obligation and cautious excitement. It’s hard to overstate just how much I sincerely appreciate
Caroline
I don’t even know where I would have begun to reconstruct the organization without you. I know you’ve had times when you were worried about it all. I was worried too, though I suppose I tried to hide some facets of that fear for the sake of everyone else. You’ve been nothing but consistent, honest, and above all kind through everything. I know it hasn’t all been perfect, and I’m sure there’s been plenty of stuff that I did that wasn’t ideal (I still believe I could have done better during your tenure as Co-Chair. Done more.)
No one has been a part of RU Hacks longer than you and I have, and I am deeply grateful that you chose to stay here with me through it all. Thanks for staying and seeing all of this through until the end for both of us. I guess with our departure, that’s what’s left of what I see as the old guard, and there’s no one else I’m more proud to have worked with for 4 long, rewarding years.
And the other person that was there is Shireen. We haven’t talked in a long while, but I remember when she told me that both Annie & I were the best student group leaders she’d ever worked for, at the end of 2019. God, that felt good. I spent every month of that year worried that I was missing something (and often was.) But it all ended up well enough at the end, and Shireen’s infectiously positive attitude and sharp eye was part of it. I’ll miss her too.
There’s others that were on the team that year, and who I figure I will thank in this section first, as I believe it is the most appropriate place to do so considering they’ve since graduated or left the organization entirely but left quite the impression. They are, in no particular order,
Abrar
I think we had our disagreements, and we were all the better for it. It’s hard to overstate just how lost many of us were in 2019 when it came to anything digital. Still, I’m glad for many of the qualities you showed back then - and for refusing to allow us to do any less than what we were capable of. Thanks for calling me out when it was necessary, and for listening and learning right back. I know you only joined because you hoped - no, needed to believe that we could only ever do better, and in the years that have passed, I like to think that we have. I’m looking forward to working with you again in the future.
Kiara
Damn, you basically joined as a favor to me, but I still can’t believe you stayed! I was afraid going into all this that I’d be killing my friendships handily by making them do work for an organization barely standing after the loss of nearly an entire founding team, but we did well. You did well. And I’m glad we’re still close even after all these years. P.S. Your dog is adorable.
And yeah, you’re gonna kill it in the hospitality business. Your kindness and constant will to keep smiling was as inspiring to me then as it remains today.
Rymn
I don’t envy the role you had in 2019, and I missed you at the event itself. I wished you were there pretty hard, actually, not only because of your role but because of your character. You knew how to make light of hard situations and adapt to difficult ones. I know RU Hacks wasn’t the best time for you, and that’s one of my deeper regrets after all has been said and done. But I’m glad you were there nonetheless.
Justin
Man, we never got to get as close as I’d hoped, but I always liked how ridiculously chill you were. Seriously, how does someone stay so relaxed at all times? Crazy. Anyway, I loved having you on the team, and something about the way you carried yourself speaks volumes of your ability to remain level under pressure. I hope to see you around again some day.
Chloe
Honestly, I still don’t know if the role you actually did was one that suited you, but I wanted so very badly to have you back on the team this year for something you would have loved! It’s unfortunate that it never came to pass, but I’m so glad you’re doing well with your master’s program and enjoying the work you do. We gotta catch up someday and reminisce on the old days like a bunch of geezers. Maybe over a bike ride...
Asritha
It’s been nice having you on the team, and I know you got busy this year, but I always did enjoy chatting with you on matters of life and living. I still remember that you were one of the last of the team that I actually saw in person before doors closed on Ryerson over the past year, and I appreciate that we were able to chat properly for once before it all closed down. Keep on fighting, keep on moving, and I know you’ll do well in both your degree and your writing - which I do occasionally read and quite enjoy, so please keep at it because you’re only ever improving with each and every article!
Soumya
I think we’ve had plenty of issues with one another over the years, but I still think I need to thank you, and to some extent, apologize. I put a lot of pressure on you because my expectations and perception of what should and could have been done were high - too high. I pushed because I thought that was the right thing to do, and a full year after 2020’s iteration is over, I am still unsure if what I did was right. I do still respect and appreciate you, but it’s tough to heal old scars after so long, and sometimes it’s best to live and let live with everything that we’ve learned. I only hope that we can both take the lesson of our flaws, and our failings, to heart in the future, and learn from those mistakes so as not to repeat the past.
Oh yeah… and this section wouldn’t be complete without two of the coolest people I’ve ever met. No seriously, back in 2019, Annie and I were practically geeking out about you two.
Jacklyn
I still can’t believe how well we’ve kept in touch after all of these years. I’m intensely grateful for all the love you gave to the event when we, silly little bastards we were, first ran it, and how much you’ve given ever since. You’ve been a friend, a mentor, a guide and someone I’ve looked up to when it came to trying to grow RU Hacks into a local pillar of the community. There’s something infectious about your attitude and the way you turn places into friendly locales (and normal things into memes, cough Blahaj.) I’m glad to know, and to keep knowing you, and do truly believe that you helped shape how things have progressed for the past two years simply through the will of your existence and constant drive to make the hackathon space a living, thriving ecosystem of progress and joy.
Selynna
I know we don’t talk quite as much, but wow did you also leave a crazy impression on us back in 2019, and remain as one of those people we’ve looked up to ever since. I think it can be hard sometimes to be perfectly candid about one’s achievements, but I just remember looking through your background and thinking damn, this girl is crazy (in the best way!) Your guidance back then and since has been truly wonderful, and though I know you’re busy as all hell nowadays, I’d love to still stay in touch regardless. P.S. Finish the books so we can discuss them! You know which ones I’m talking about!
Present
No point in going in too deep with the past when there is enough to talk about here as well. I will admit that while online hackathons aren’t exactly how I pictured my final two RU Hacks’ iterations to go, I can’t actually say that I regret it. The thrill you get when everything finally slots together on the day of the event at the Eng building, the wild rush of adrenaline that keeps you going on 3 hours of sleep, Awake bars and RedBull while your walkie-talkie is screaming at you about so many things going on at once… that is hard to replace. Nearly impossible, perhaps.
But online, I met and helped and learned from so many people I never would have otherwise. I am grateful for all the other hackathons I’ve spoken to since, all the people from other continents I never would have interacted with in the first place. I am grateful for the good folks at C3, at BlahajGang, at Design Buddies, and more. And all the people I am grateful to have worked with on my team. So in this section, once again and in no particular order, I will focus on those graduating and leaving the team with me…
Dan
You are a god. No really, there were so many times these past few years where I was worried that I was exerting too much pressure (and let’s be honest, I probably was) and yet in spite of that, you always managed to pull through. You made so much of these digital years what they are, you and your leadership and the constant presence of your bright smile. I think that’s what I appreciate the most, actually - your coding and your skill with people is one thing, but your inability to back down from a challenge is another. And you even drove around the entire province giving away sentimental mugs! I can’t help but be astounded at your level of loyalty and commitment to your friends. I hope, with all my heart, that it is only ever rewarded in the future by those that love you in turn.
Serena
I don’t think we ever got quite as close as we could have, but I always liked having you around. You have a kind of aura that I think shows your ability to make friends wherever you go simply by being cool as a cucumber. You honestly saved our asses back in 2019 by swapping into the VP role without a second thought, and you performed wonderfully despite having no experience. Seriously, I was crazy impressed. Oh also, your sense of style and visual quality is so good - best setup on the team, no competition! Sorry I didn’t have more here, I really wish I did, but I hope in the future that we’ll stay in touch one way or another.
Gabby
I’m so glad we got to work together more this year than in past years, but you’ve always been a core component to the team and our program alike. When we first made up a role for you in 2019, I was unsure of whether it was necessary, but you proved me wrong so quickly that I’m ashamed to have even thought that in the first place. The way you think and perceive information and the world alike is so unique (remember that Rehab report?) That I can’t help but be fascinated and excited by what you’ll end up doing next. Thanks for being on the team, and for sticking around with us even though you had already done so much. I appreciated it then, and I appreciate it intensely today.
Tarandeep
I’m so happy we’ve become such good friends over the course of the year! There’s been so many times over the past few semesters where we’ve just chatted about whatever and wow, it’s nice to know someone that I can tell genuinely cares about how others are doing and actually acts on those concerns by reaching out directly. I think you’re one of those people that prefers that their action speak louder than their words (I like to think I am too, considering most of my words are incoherent gobbledygook anyway), and that’s never been more clear to me after all the long drives you’ve taken, long conversations we’ve had, and how touchingly considerate you’ve been to all of us. I’m glad you came back to the team for our final year together, because without you, it would have been so different I may not have ever recognized it.
Future
And then there’s what’s to come. I won’t really be there to see most of what transpires, and I’m sure many of the little issues that may come up and the tensions that may flare won’t be incidents that either Annie or I will be around for. And that’s okay - all that happens from now on is up to you, not me. I can only ever advise you on this or that, but all the work that must be done is done by those that remain. For all of you that remain.
So, one last time, I’ll be going through all who remain and doing what I can to reminisce on the past, consider the now, and try to provide you all with a single thought for the future. If you’d like to discuss it with me in more detail, please feel free to hit me up! I mostly just didn’t wish to go too deep into it here.
Andrea
Crazy how only two years ago, you were still a wide-eyed highschool kid going into biomed eng and being like ‘who the fuck does this crazy upper-year think he is?’ I think what I saw in you was more than just promise, but rather the qualities that even then I could tell you’d continue to hold close over the years. Your willingness to ask for help is something you should never take for granted - too many people I’ve known, and oftentimes myself as well, have had issues where we assume others will look down on what we perceive as ‘silly’ inquiries.
As part of RU Hacks, and in general, please don’t worry about that - you’re smart, and you’re humble. Too humble, perhaps. Mistakes are made by the hardened and inexperienced alike, but the difference between the two is how you react and learn from those mistakes, and you’ve done so consistently and with impressive tenacity. I’m glad to have had you as my mentee and my friend, and I only hope I can continue to help and guide you in the future.
For you, I leave these words: I am sure that both your strength and your confidence will grow in tandem over the years, but please take care that one does not eclipse the other.
Farhan
GM! When I first met you, I was uh… well, I questioned my existence for a little while there. Some part of me thought damn, this guy is really rather persistent huh? But as I got to know you (after what is still probably one of the riskiest and most rewarding hiring decisions Annie and I have ever made) I can’t help but admire so much of what you do. Your tenacity, your ability to keep moving forward and challenge yourself for the work and what you see as providing benefit to the community at large, is highly commendable.
I see some part of myself there, in that mind-numbing pit where all the tedium of work goes to die, and it makes me happy to see that you aren’t the type to be dissuaded by mountains of obstacles ahead that separate you from a goal. Keep working hard, and you’ll do such things that even I cannot perceive them as I write about them today.
For you, I leave these words: Do not let your reach exceed your grasp, and try to work within your sphere of skill as best you can - I worry that your ambition and your ability to push yourself to the brink may cause you harm some day. In this, I hope to be proven wrong.
Ahmad
GN! Honestly, you saved our asses back in 2020. Did I ever mention that not only were you the only person I trusted to build up the Discord bot, but that you were also the only person to even message me about that in the first place? Yeah, no, we had literally no one else out there - it was just you and you alone, and you pulled through beautifully and performed wonders ever since.
It’s been so interesting to watch you grow over the past year. I think when I first met you, I wasn’t entirely sure what or who I was speaking to, but now I think I can honestly say that of all of us that’ll likely make it big in tech and end up changing the future of how we see computers and the wonderful world of computer science, it’ll be you who makes the big waves. I don’t know when or how, but I am sure of it. One day, Ahmad.
For you, I leave these words: The world changes, but people don’t. Remember to ground yourself in the soil of the Earth and listen to those around you - I see the potential for hubris to take root, but believe you can only thrive if you do not see yourself as above those around you.
Rupan
You know, during your first year on RU Hacks, I don’t think we talked very much at all. I always thought huh, that girl Rupan is cool, but I don’t really know anything about her. Which is why I’m especially glad to have learned so much more about you this year, and had the pleasure of actually working directly with you after simply sitting alongside one another for so long.
So take this as sincere advice, please, and not some sort of critique: You gotta stop selling yourself short. There are those that legitimately prefer to sift idly by and work on only whatever they feel comfortable with, but that’s not you. If anything, the sheer amount of work you did this year proves to me that you’ve only scratched the surface of your own potential.
For you, I leave these words: That subtle ambition you have to do something that makes you proud of yourself isn’t hard to miss, and I urge you to chase it down for your own sake - you’ll be all the better for it, and that newfound confidence will fuel the years to come.
Ying
Damn, the minute I start writing this section, I immediately want to get up and grab some bubble tea from the plaza nearby… wonder why that is…
You’re one of the few people that came to us directly and outside of a recruitment period. That love of creating and growing events was as evident then as it is today. I’ll admit, I had high standards for you then, and you’ve only ever met and exceeded them - you’re one of the hardest working people I know, and it’s impressive that you’ve managed to remain that way without burning out after all this time. Honest;y, I wish I had your work ethic sometimes.
For you, I leave these words: “This business kills the part of life that is essential - the part that has nothing to do with business.” That’s a quote from ‘The Big Short,’ and one I hope you’ll take to heart.
Charith
Boomer? Kidding. It’s been pretty cool getting to really know you over the past year, and one of the aspects that I appreciate the most is probably your humor. I know you have concerns over the future, but one that I would honestly not even consider is your ability to positively influence any social situation you find yourself in. That, combined with what is an impressive drive to always seek advice and act on it as best you can, is something I appreciate as well. Most people learn that there is no shame in getting help far later than you already have, and I imagine if you continue to do so, you’d be surprised what doors may open up simply because you’ve allowed the world to see that you are willing to learn and change.
For you, I leave these words: trust your gut. Oftentimes, ideas that come by can seem daunting and perhaps even frightening to pursue, but from what I’ve seen, most of the ideas that come to you are worth pursuing.
And finally, the new Co-Chairs themselves!
Ella
I think fear is a healthy thing to have. When we met at Oakham nearly two years ago, it was clear that you weren’t exactly confident in your ability to take over as VP Marketing, but in all honestly even back then I could tell that you were the kind of person that would take on difficult work in the hopes that it challenges them. I know there were many times where you were concerned that you weren’t cut out for this work, but I think this past year in particular, and the way you maintained a positive attitude despite it all, proved that you deserve to be on this team just as much as anyone. Part of that is why we wanted you as a Co-Chair this year: because you are kind, but stern, and that mix means being able to work alongside others while allowing time to help lift them up to your level.
Though I do wish, like you do, that we could have grown closer aside from all the work during the year, there’s still plenty of time for that too! It’s difficult to imagine how next year will be, but I believe that if your confidence in your work transitions into your ability to manage the team and deal with conflict and concerns that arise, you will be completely and totally fine. That fear is more useful as you think - better than being overconfident and imagining your every thought and action as being the right one, in my opinion.
For you, I leave these words: Take your authority in hand. You’ve taken the orders of others for a while now, and that’s fine, but now that you are in the leading role, your task is to lead. I have no doubt that you were able to assert your authority, but remember that doing so is not some unkind thing. Be kind when things are well, and be tough when things are not. Knowing how to do both, and to balance them without breaking, is difficult… but, in my opinion, it is worth the time.
Jason
It’s funny - I’ve only really known you for less than a year, and yet I believe I was able to get an excellent understanding of the quality that you possess and the undeniable love you also hold for RU Hacks itself. More than anyone else, I think you’ll understand intimately much of how I personally ran the organization, and inherit the dreams I hold for how it will grow. There’s still so much I wanted for RU Hacks in the future, but my time is over. Whether you want those things for the organization, you and Ella both, that’s up to the two of you now. Not me.
You became Co-Chair so quickly for a multitude of reasons. You are good with people, keen when questioning the validity of things, and curious in a way that I am envious of. I hope you never doubt yourself in that regard - you are here because Annie and I both want you to be. We have faith in your abilities, and all that is left is for you to have faith in yourself.
For you, I leave these words: Hold yourself to the highest standard. The team will look to you to make the big decisions, sure, but never be afraid to ask for help from those around you, and never show that you do not know what to do, but rather how and why. You should always have an idea of how to proceed, but be prepared to be shown that it is not the right one - that’s not them believing you wrong or questioning your authority, but rather your judgement in a specific circumstance. Truly objective thinking is nearly impossible, after all.
For both of you, I have other things to say. I’ll put them in point form, because in all honesty, they act as abstract concepts of what to keep in mind and what I would like to see. Listen to these thoughts sparingly though; I am not perfect, and some of these may be idle crap at best. That’d fit with my personality, after all!
Conflict will transpire. Remember that, at the end of the day, everyone wants to make RU Hacks the best event it can be. They may come from different places and have entirely different ideas for how to make such things come to pass, but they are often not malicious in their intent.
If the intent is malicious, then act sternly and efficiently. We are not limited to the bureaucratic process when it comes to true breaches of reasonable morality, and should not sit idly by if something unethical is being done.
When the situation is more grey… just talk to people. Misunderstandings fuel the biggest chunk of interpersonal problems in any organization, and we’re not different. Talk to people, and let them open up to you. Cultivate a space where people can clear up their grievances personally instead of through proxies and veiled threats. Be kind, and they will hopefully return that kindness in full.
Invest in people. Talk to others at our school and the hackathon community at large. If it is easy to do, do it. If it is harder but worth the work, do it anyway. Share the triumphs of groups we appreciate, keep in contact with those that have helped us in the past, and look for new, better opportunities always and forever. In short: Don’t be lazy and things will get crazy.
A final thought - listen to those that criticize you the most. You will never be right all the time. You will make mistakes (preferably minor, occasionally major) and others will reprimand you for them. The biggest part of being a Co-Chair is that the ceiling falls on you when anything happens, and you have to be able to handle that.
My opinion? A strong team is your pillars. With them next to you, you’ll get by anything the world happens to throw at you.
So, That’s That
I wrote way more here than I’d originally anticipated, but every minute I spent on this compendium of my thoughts and hopes was worth it. I doubt most people have actually read it all the way through, and frankly, I didn’t really expect anyone to. But to those that made it all the way here… ha, thank you. I appreciate your support.
That’s all for me. It’s only 9:45 PM, but I am tired. All I have left to say is… God, thank you, every one of you. With all my heart.
Signing off and moving forward,
- Johnny